I Built My Dream Life—So Why Do I Feel Guilty for Enjoying It?

Why is it so hard to be kind to yourself?

Throughout these almost two years as full-time entrepreneur, and during latest months when I’ve felt a bit down, I’ve wondered a lot why it’s so hard to be kind to yourself and love yourself.

And with this I mean the feeling of guilt when I allow myself to take weekdays easier, although that was literally the reason I quit my 9-to-5.

Yet as my own boss, I’m constantly hearing these voices in my head telling how I don’t deserve to take it easy, as there are many things to do, many goals far out there to reach, and others are busy working on jobs that make them unhappy.

So somehow, my brain thinks it makes sense then that I suffer, push myself and force more productivity out of me every day.

Which is idiotic, as the whole point of my life (and entrepreneurship) is the value of wellbeing - which definitely includes allowing myself to take it easier during the everyday life.

I know like one inspiring person, who lives this way - allowing herself to take it easier, slower and more mindful.

It seems very inspiring, and currently I’m trying to thinking like her - what would she do?

Would she rest?

How does she justify “lazy” weekdays as an entrepreneur?

And on top of that, she is also successful (whatever success means - I wrote a while ago my version of that - What success means to me)

During the past few weeks, as I’ve been quite worn out, and in general had mental things to process, I’ve really tried to set enjoying as the most important goal for the week.

Still, I’ve slipped so far every week to do more on computer than I’ve wanted, been more available online than I know is beneficial for my inner voice and felt guilt when thinking of just chilling outdoors on a random Thursday.

I had a free coaching session this morning (by actually one really good and qualified coach).

She gave me some new perspectives, as well as tools to effectively challenge my thinking patterns.

We were discussing what am I thinking when I feel this guilt of enjoying life.

I listed things like, I think my parents think I’m lazy, as they’ve always been hard-working.

It’s unfair to my boyfriend if I take it easy, when he’s working full-time.

It’s contradictory for my goals to not to work on them hard.

Others may think I’m lazy and my business is “stupid”.

First, we established that there is now way of knowing what others think, unless I ask them.

So these “judgements of others” are actually just voices in my head where I am the one judging me, not anybody else.

Second, I already know my boyfriend definitely does not find it unfair, because all he would want is me to chill the f*ck down and enjoy life.

He did not sign up for me becoming an entrepreneur where I’m constantly pushing myself close to burnout.

So he’s indirectly actually asking me to do this enjoying that I’m feeling guilty for.

Third, my idea at the beginning of my full-time entrepreneurship was work smart, not hard. Yet here I am, working harder, smarter, faster, stronger, all day every day.

And nope, it does not at all bring the results I’m aiming for.

This is actually the most difficult topics for me, as I love these Alex Hormozi kinds of motivators and their work ethics; simply do more and better than others and you’ll beat them.

This full-on masculine approach.

And I love this kind of masculine approach, because it tells things so straight-forward; do this, you get this. Do more of this, so you get more of this.

And what it comes to the feminine energy, I can honestly say I’ve judged the whole theme, thinking it’s stupid, naive and lazy.

So that’s why it’s very challenging for my ego to come to the conclusion that especially on the business I’m trying to do, I gotta do it from the energy of enjoying, heart open and creativity flowing.

I want to make a career of writing, photographing and teaching movement and stillness.

So every single thing is creative.

And creative energy is feminine.

So simply by doing more with masculine approach, won’t cut it.

I mean how inspiring is it to read an article, that is ideally optimized for SEO, prompted, or even written by AI and maximized the benefits with inlinks and backlinks by the book?

Sounds perfect on paper, yet during these AI times you can sense in a second if it’s written/prompted with AI, or did somebody actually channel some of their soul to it.

Maybe it’s just me, but I bet we’re all much more sensitive to sense energies even online than we realize.

And that’s why some creators succeed and some not.

Some use their soul, and some just head.

I’m not sure if this is true, as I truly believe also in SEO optimization and such methodologies that will help.

I just think there’s no point doing such thing for content that comes from machines.

When I think about enjoying my life, it makes me also think of former friends/ acquaintances that would get jealous.

First of all, it is quite bold to assume my life is so awesome that they would be jealous, and to assume they’re constantly thinking about me and what I do or don’t do.

Secondly, if these are not close people to me, so f*cking what?

I got a nice new perspective on this one as well during the coaching: we all interpret situations differently.

Meaning, exactly same person with same behaviours may annoy one and inspire deeply another.

So I realized this thing, which is, taking it easy during weekdays and enjoying my life, may actually be huge inspiration for someone to go for their dreams or dare to love themselves more, and therefore it is important to share.

It’s no up to me to decide are these mysterious others going to feel jealousy or inspiration - or most likely, absolutely nothing, as it might just be the whole world does not think about me all the time.